Daybreak:Alpha Chapter

Chapter 9 -

Kaede grasped the door frame as she limped out from the Princess' cabin. Her legs still felt like sticks of jelly after ten hours of torment yesterday. The lingering pain had long been replaced by a numbness that refused to go away.

In fact, it was a testament to Samaran fast healing that she could walk at all.

But the expandable cabin had an elevated floor that raised it two steps above ground. Two short, wooden steps -- which barely even warranted a thought in everyday motion -- now proved a daunting hurdle.

Kaede stretched one tentative leg down. She had a decent footing; but as soon as her body's mass shifted over onto it, the weight proved too much. The leg crumbled beneath her, sending her straight towards the dirt and pebble ground.

"Kaede--!"

"Air Cushion!"

The distant spell came just in time. The air condensed beneath her, braking her fall as though a giant, deflating balloon.

She managed a soft landing on both hands.

"Kaede, are you alright?" Pascal called out as he and Sir Robert rushed up to help her stand back on her feet.

"Sorry... my legs are being useless," Kaede muttered, ashamed that she couldn't even walk by herself.

I feel like a crippled on rehab...

"You have nothing to apologize for," Pascal scolded.

There was no trace of his prideful or teasing smile. Her master wore only one expression today: tight-jawed and brooding.

"Let's help her to that tree over there," Sir Robert pointed from her other side.

With the two men holding onto her arms, Kaede teetered over to a yew tree in the center of the clearing and sat down against its trunk.

"How was calling her name supposed to help anyway?" Pascal turned back to face Robert, who bit down on his lips in annoyance with himself.

"Pascal... don't be a jerk," Kaede retorted for the abashed armiger. "I'm glad you broke the fall, but not everyone thinks as fast on their feet."

"No, he's right," Robert sighed as his eyes bore a hole into the ground. "I'm never helpful when I could have helped."

The gloomy dejection was in stark contrast to the usual bright demeanor of this boyishly handsome knight.

It made Kaede cast a scowl in her master's direction, only to bounce off his thick skin completely.

...Although to be fair, he wasn't exactly paying attention.

"Here we are -- 'Rejuvenate' spell," Pascal finally settled on a page of the tome he had pulled out.

He then knelt down besides Kaede's outstretched legs:

"Give me a minute. I have not cast this for a long time."

Not being a specialized healer, there was no reason for him to dedicate the higher tier curative spells into muscle memory. But that meant he had to spellcraft it the hard way: by zoning out from the world and focusing all attention inwards, he would align his nerve conduits into the proper arrays necessary for shaping ether into manifesting the supernatural.

It left the other two in a brief moment of silence.

"How is Her Highness doing?" Sir Robert asked tentatively.

"Lady Mari is with her now, trying to get her to go back to sleep," Kaede spoke with care, striving to suppress her own mixed feelings toward the Princess.

She had silently cried herself to sleep last night, only to wake up in the Princess' arms with a dire fear of impending rape; although it didn't take Kaede long to regain her grasp on reality.

Sylviane's teary apologies came in an endless stream, and they were not merely sincere but made in almost desperation. Rather than just the voice of someone with a guilty conscience, they felt like the outpouring of an individual struggling to maintain her own sense of identity -- one where she still retained control of her own actions.

Sure, Kaede was still scared. Yes, she still felt bitter and sullen. But in the face of such emotional misery, it was impossible for her not to feel sorrow and pity in return.

In the end, they were both victims of circumstance.

The barriers crumbled one at a time. Before long, Kaede found herself hugging Sylviane back. Hesitantly at first, but with soft, reassuring whispers as the night went on.

It was hard not to extend forgiveness when the other made such a hard landing in bleak, utter depression.

The two girls had stayed like that for the rest of the night. The Princess and the Familiar, both on the ground and in each others' arms, silent except for the intermittent sobs and the occasional whisper.

...Though to be honest, both the situation and the posture grew rather uncomfortable over time. Kaede was certainly glad when Lady Mari returned in the morning.

It was definitely one 'unique' bonding experience... she concluded.

Kaede could forgive the Princess this time. After all, Sylviane was truly sorry for it, no permanent damage had been done, and her own legs would recover in a day or two.

Emotionally speaking though, she was still working on the 'forgiving' part.

It wasn't exactly easy when she couldn't even walk by herself, thanks to the events of yesterday.

...But what about the next time?

...Will I even emerge unscathed the next time?

"Sir Robert, could you please tell me..." she began, her brain grasping at straws to cushion the blunt statement. "Is the Princess... mentally unstable, or something?"

Robert's brows furrowed back at that.

"Technically... no."

"What is that supposed to mean, 'technically'?"

The young armiger sighed in exasperation, as though he was unearthing a horse that had long been beaten dead.

"It means Her Highness is bipolar. It's obvious to anyone who understands what bipolarity means. Except my father wouldn't actually classify her as bipolar because her bipolarity isn't severe enough."

Kaede thought back to yesterday, when Sylviane went from raging machine to sobbing wreck within the span of just a few hours.

"You call that 'not severe enough'?" Her eyebrows shot up in response.

"To be considered a proper 'hypomania' episode, it has to last at least four days," Robert emphasized. "Yesterday was the worst one I've seen from Her Highness to date, and it hadn't even hit forty hours before subsiding."

Four days! Kaede shivered at the prospect. If yesterday was any indication of how quickly events could spin out of control, she would be the victim of 'off with her head!' by the end of it.

"I take it that your father is some kind of expert in this field then?"

"As close as it gets," he shrugged back. "Both of my parents are actually healers by training. They've campaigned alongside the army in every war Rhin-Lotharingie fought in and spent countless hours patching troops together. But over the years they discovered that while physical wounds could be readily healed by curative spells, the mental scars that veterans accumulated were... much more difficult."

Robert then passed a wry smile. He wasn't instantly rebounding from his earlier moment of depression, but there was still a shadow of his usual cheery self behind it all.

"You could say they're pioneers in the field," he continued. "In fact, they were the ones who coined the terms 'anxiety disorder' and 'mood disorder' to separate behaviors like memory-induced panic attacks from the more common problems we see in everyday life -- like mania and depression."

"Why did you become a royal armiger if both of your parents are healers?" Kaede ask the puzzling question first. "It's obvious that you know a ton about their line of work."

"Well..." Robert scratched his cheek, a little unsure of how to put it into words himself.

"You see, I wanted to be a healer as well. I mean, like most boys, I wanted to be like my father. I wanted to be like them, to help others and see the gratitude in my patients' smiles. But my parents? They wanted me to be a royal attendant... They told me that it was a rare opportunity -- since they had become well acquainted with the Emperor thanks to his interest in their work. They said that if I truly wanted to help other people, this was the better way."

Of course, Kaede nodded. The difference in scale was just incomparable.

A doctor might be able to help individuals. But those in position to advise powerful figures could influence policy that benefit entire nations. Only those blinded by idealism would fail to see which was more beneficial for society as a whole.

Meanwhile, Robert took a deep breath as he leaned back against the yew tree.

"But you know, I was a child back then -- I could only see the results that were in front of me. I disagreed with my parents, and we had some really heated arguments. So one day when I was eight, papa decided to settle the matter once and for all and took me to the neighboring farm."

Sir Robert's countenance soon clouded as he sat down besides Kaede and stared into the sky.

It seemed as though he was reliving memories of that very day.

"You see, I loved horses and dogs as a child. I would sneak off to that farm all the time to watch the animals. So that day, papa asked me to pick the mare that was my favorite... and I did. Then..."

Even now, there was still a sense of lingering guilt as his vivid-green eyes darkened:

"He struck her down with a cutting spell right in front of me."

One thing was clear: for all the dedication his parents poured into researching the effects of trauma, they did not hesitate to inflict one upon their own son.

"I was appalled. I screamed at papa right there. But there he was, calming watching as the mare thrashed and shrieked in her dying breaths. There was blood all over him, but he didn't pay it any mind and just looked at me with the coldest eyes I had ever seen in him. He told me that we'd have a contest -- maybe not immediately, maybe years later when I could train and perfect myself -- but he'd challenge me eventually: that he could slay the animals of the farm much, much faster than I could heal them."

...Just as a prince could kill faster than any healer could save, Kaede thought.

Robert sighed once again before half-snorting at himself:

"I knew I didn't stand a chance."

"That... must have been a difficult experience," Kaede's wispy voice barely made out.

"It certainly changed me, changed how I looked at everything," he admitted. "It also made me realize that the world... was just really unfair. That becoming an adult means to accept reality for what it is, and not what it should be."

"Because you can harm others faster than you can help them?"

"Well... yes," he nodded back. "And the fact that the Knight Hospitallers -- the only institution that could give dual training in both arts at the same time, wouldn't accept any men."

"You're joking--Ouch!"

Kaede's attention swiveled back to Pascal as his healing spell finished with an electrifying shock.

"Owowowowow..." her legs seized up as the lingering electricity coursed through her nerves for several seconds.

"What was that for!?"

"As I said: 'Rejuvenate' spell," Pascal noted as he stood back up to stretch his legs. "There is a shock component in it to re-energize your nerves, or did you forget that time when Parzifal cast it on you after the assassination attempt on me?"

"My legs need healing, not electric shock therapy!"

"The shock is part of the healing spell though," Pascal puzzled back at her.

Recognizing that her cause was 'lost in translation', Kaede looked to Sir Robert for a third opinion.

"Well don't look at me," he replied. "I thought His Grace picked the right spell... but I'm no professional healer."

...

In the end, Pascal settled on applying several Climatize Invigorate spells on her legs. They kept her muscles in a soothing warmth, all while the slow healing effect gradually repaired any damage inflicted from yesterday.

"So what are the full symptoms of this 'hypomania'?" Kaede asked.

After all, understanding was always the first step. Besides, it seemed Pascal had already received this 'talk'.

"A 'hypomania' episode is a period when her mental functions move into an elevated state," Sir Robert as he stood casually to her forward left. "There are actually many characteristics associated with it -- which is what makes her episodes difficult to identify. But the most common traits are hyperactivity, restlessness, inflated confidence to the point of grandiosity, and a general lack of inhibitions..."

"So... what Pascal suffers from all the time," Kaede nodded back.

"Hey!" her master retorted from the right, seemingly outraged.

It was actually a welcoming change from his dead-serious face. Furthermore, it also returned a real smile to Robert's countenance.

"The key difference is that 'hypomania' is an episodic event -- a specific, finite period of time when her personality deviates from the norm," Robert clarified. Then, with a humored nod to Pascal: "although Kaede isn't entirely wrong. Her Highness is more like Your Grace during these episodes than Your Grace would like to admit."

"I do not lack inhibitions!" the Landgrave countered.

So you're not denying the 'grandiosity' then?

Meanwhile, Robert's eyebrows shot up:

"I heard Your Grace once painted the entire Königsfeld Academy in rainbow colors, then filled its corridors with glowing swarms of pink flamingos."

"That happened only once!"

"I'm sure Your Grace's academic advisor could give me a full list of similar examples if we asked," Robert stared back as though a real psychiatrist in diagnosis mode. "But don't worry: denial is a common first state for all individuals suffering from such a condition."

Kaede had tried to suppress her laughter -- which turned into a rather feminine giggle that left both men with a tinge of red across their cheeks... albeit for very different reasons.

"But to be serious," Robert soon pulled back the topic before Pascal could object again. "High confidence and self-esteem do tend to bloat one's perceived value of their own decision-making..."

Feeling a hint guilty for laughing at him, Kaede decided to defend her master this time:

"Pascal often argues with himself though. So his differing voices of reason is acting as his own self-checking inhibitor."

"Right," Robert simply nodded. "But Her Highness isn't used to having a high confidence. Her own self-doubts are what's holding her back normally. They make sure that every decision is examined and re-examined. But when you remove that and pump her full of self-assurance..."

She goes off the rails like a runaway train fueled by her own righteousness.

"Are you saying," Pascal's eyes suddenly widened in revelation. "That she becomes like this because she wanted to be more confident in herself?"

"That's a theory," Robert shrugged back. "Honestly, even my parents have no idea. It may very well be a combination of factors, and the burdens on her as a Crown Princess is just one of them. But what we do know is that the hyperactivity goes straight to her head when she's in 'hypomania' mode."

"What do you mean?"

Instead of answering Kaede, Robert pulled open one of his extradimensional belt pouches and reached into it. What came out was a stack of papers that he handed to Pascal.

"Before I forget again -- Her Highness wanted these done today... or at least as soon as possible. Although I would suggest you discuss them with the senior lords and commanders first. The Rhin-Lotharingie military is still feudal after all, and it would be best if we stepped on as few prominent toes as possible."

"What is it?" Kaede asked from the ground as Pascal began to flip through them.

"Charts for restructuring the army and various officer assignments for reorganizing the devastated battalions," Pascal's reply came with a rising tone of awe.

He then stared back at Sir Robert in disbelief:

"When did she manage this?"

"Last night, before she let Kaede back in and slept."

"Last night?" Pascal's jaw dropped. "She had but a few hours! It would take even a headquarters staff -- an entire team of people multiple days to examine the hundreds of personnel available and make such proposals!"

"Like I said: straight to her head," the royal armiger reiterated. "I dare say that her intellect might even be better than yours when she goes through one of these energized states."

"So these 'hypomania' episodes give her a boost to IQ... intelligence?" Kaede pondered aloud.

"--In exchange for her emotional self-control, yes," Robert nodded back. "It also gives her energy when she is exhausted; it offers her inspiration when she is stuck; it brings her courage when she stands against daunting odds; and these papers here are just another perfect example of what she can manage during a crisis."

Meanwhile, Pascal was still stunned speechless as he kept flipping through the papers, his own mental circuits already tapped to analyze her 'suggestions'.

"Of course, the trouble is that the more intense her episode, the less self-control she has; not to mention the worse her depression becomes when her mental high crashes afterwards," the armiger finalized as he glimpsed toward the Princess' cabin with concern.

"Is that why... you believe she'll make a good ruler? Despite her condition?" Kaede hesitantly asked.

Swiveling back around, Robert pursed his lips in deep thought.

"Maybe a little..." he replied after only a brief moment. "But my main reason is simply that Her Highness is still a good person, especially between her episodes. Even at her worst, I do not believe that she would commit a blatant evil. She may toe the lines, but not even her mania would be able justify that to herself."

"...Besides," he continued, "if anything, I would support her for the throne because of this."

"Because you think the pros outweighs the cons?" Kaede asked, not really convinced by the idea herself.

"No," Robert corrected her at once. "Because what makes her a little bit insane actually leaves her saner than most of us."

...

Pascal had barely said another sentence else before departing, only claiming that he had best start the reorganization process as soon as possible. Although before he left, he told Kaede that he would drop by the field kitchens and tell the maid Marina to come take care of her lady today.

Perhaps not surprising for a trained spy, Marina was multilingual and even had a native Lotharin accent. Combined with her servant status which most people ignored as part of the background, it made her the perfect candidate for discretely gathering information from the Lotharin forces.

But as soon as Pascal walked out of sight, Sir Robert pulled Kaede's attention back with an expression of unease:

"Kaede, I... we, rather, owe you an apology."

"Why?" She felt her emotions tense. "It wasn't your fault for what happened yesterday."

"By we, I meant Mari and myself. We... didn't exactly try very hard to stop Her Highness yesterday..."

His statement only puzzled Kaede more. She remembered both of them kneeling on the ground and pleading to the Princess. If that wasn't 'trying very hard', then what was? They could hardly slap a royal highness and expect it to bring her back some sense. That only worked in fantasies. In reality, it would only land them in the oubliette.

"You put yourselves in her line of fire and begged for her to reconsider. What more could you have done?"

"Yes, we did that. In fact, we did everything we could think of to keep Her Highness from publicly flogging His Grace -- that would simply have been an unmitigated disaster..."

Robert exhaled a deep breath -- at least the worst scenario had been avoided.

"But... we didn't exactly try very hard to stop her from punishing you. That's why... both of us owe you an apology."

Kaede thought back. She had been too distraught over her own welfare at the time. But it was true that neither of them offered anything more than verbal objections when Sylviane hauled Kaede outside and glued her legs to a rock. At the time, she had thought it was simply because they felt it was a hopeless cause.

"But why?" she felt the bitter stab of injustice return. "At least Pascal was to blame for some of the fault. I was innocent!"

"Pardon me, but no, you're not," Robert insisted as he stared back at her in the eyes. "How would you like it if your fiancé was sleeping with another woman? Whatever the circumstance?"

"But that's--!"

"You must remember that the higher an individual's social status, the more they value their reputation and image; for royalty, this becomes critical as legitimacy is above all," he added sternly. "Infidelity towards a sovereign is a capital offense for a reason -- because even the illusion of it undermines their authority."

"Nobody will obey an empress who became the laughing stock of the court," he finalized.

Kaede bit down on her lip as she looked away. The historian in her knew this perfectly well: how many adulterous queens and ladies had been jailed or executed outright over the centuries for high treason? Many of them weren't even proven guilty; merely the accusation had been devastating enough to ruin their reputation.

It's still unfair.

"Then... why are you apologizing to me?" she couldn't help but fume back.

"Because what Her Highness did was excessive when she knew perfectly well that both of you were clean, and that you had no intention of undermining her. She could have just given you a warning, or some proverbial tap on the wrist. Instead, she wanted to take her anger and jealousy out on you... and we..."

He sighed once more before an ashamed voice conceded to the inevitable:

"--And we allowed her to do it."

Kaede's gaze spun back in an instant, meeting only a guilty, apologetic light from those vivid-green eyes.

It wasn't because he felt like he couldn't stop the Princess.

No, he chose to step aside.

"Why did you do it then?" she whispered, feeling what could only be classified as betrayal -- even though he had never been truly on 'her side' in the first place.

"Because it was either you, or make her hold her temper in and risk blowing it off at someone else later in the day... and, I'm sorry, but she had far more important people to meet," he explained with brutal honesty.

"So I'm the punching bag?"

Kaede's phrase left Robert lost for a split second, but her glare made it perfectly clear what she meant.

"We don't punch bags," he insisted first. "But 'service' and 'loyalty' means going beyond what is simply expected of us. And occasionally -- rarely, for something this serious -- that means being dealt the unfair card because we are the ones they could afford to offend."

Robert then turned towards the east, eying the sun that was now halfway up the cloudy, morning skies.

"If you cannot understand that, then you might want to reconsider this life," his solemn voice added. "The trust we are given is not without its price."

"You say that as though I chose this life," Kaede muttered in retort.

"Neither did I," Robert half-shrugged as he looked back with a peaceful smile. "I just didn't run away from it."

He then took the first step away, stopped, then swiveled right back around to stare at her again.

"By the way, is it true that you were a young man before being summoned?"

Kaede gawked back for a moment, floored and uncertain of how she should even respond to that.

"...Yes?"

Robert tilted his head and looked up as he considered the implications.

"You know -- I'm kind of envious."

With that, the young armiger turned away once more and walked off, leaving Kaede with her mouth gaping in surprise.

Does everyone have psychological issues around here? Especially the psychologist himself?

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